i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
