margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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