dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize