Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
