Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
