I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
