I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
