pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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