He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize