i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
