I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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