when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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