I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
