I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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