Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
