just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize