Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
