We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
