i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
