just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
