now i know why i became what i already was.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
