he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
