im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
