oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize