Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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