youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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