I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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