would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
