All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
