the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I did not marry a roomba.
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