If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
