i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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