There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
