Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize