Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
