i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
