pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
