DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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