Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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