Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
