1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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