Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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