You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
