perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
