im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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