Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
