can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
