Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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