In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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