Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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