haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
