you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
