Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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