I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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