rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We are two peas in an std pod
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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