He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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