is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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