dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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