I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I cannot find my penis.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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