Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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