Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
