We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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