If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
did you just send me my own nude
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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