Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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