Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize