just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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