so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
