The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
