Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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