What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize