you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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