Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
