Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
