you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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