Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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