drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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