it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
