Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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