Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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