You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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