It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
