i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
