haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's shark week go big or go home
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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