the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
