I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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