My first STD was from a foam party
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
