Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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