God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
