are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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