my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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