and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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