Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
