I must be too annoying 4 u.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
