Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
