I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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