I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
