I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
