Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
