Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
