Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
