Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We're too hungover to prance.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize